On my daughter’s 7th birthday, my husband and I took her out to lunch, just the three of us, so she could have some special one-on-one time with mom and dad. Eden was incredibly happy, dressed in her new pink dress with a large red cherries print, eating breadsticks, and working on an activity book that the restaurant provided. Nick and I reminisced over certain memories we had of Eden and how special she was to us. It was a sweet time of connection with our only daughter. Nick, who loves to ask questions, began asking Eden what particular events made her feel most connected to us. Then he asked, “When do you feel most connected to God?” She simply answered, “I feel close to Him all the time,” and went back to filling out her activity book. My internal reaction to what Eden said surprised me. Not only did I feel astounded, I also felt envious. I wished I felt connected to God all the time too. It’s one of the struggles of my daily life.
Later, I thought about what Eden had said and started asking myself how I could make her reality my reality too. A memory came to mind of a time God had warned me about how I was spending my free time. I had forgotten about the warning and didn’t dive too deeply into it, but now I was ready to investigate. Up to that point, I had not given much thought to my free time because I never did anything crazy during it, but now I was hyperaware every time it came around. I found that I mostly spent my free moments scrolling through Facebook, watching YouTube videos, or reading. Not so bad, right? But I started to notice not only what I did during my free moments, but also how they changed the way I thought and felt, which then changed how I interacted with the rest of my day.
I was in a consistent routine of waking up early and having time with God. Once my time with God was over, I usually felt a deep desire to stay connected with Him throughout the day and a rededication to how I wanted to live my life. Unfortunately, that typically only lasted through breakfast. While facing the daily demands of life, my connection with God would be lost and thoughts of discontentment, ingratitude, and selfishness would begin to take over so naturally that I had never really realized it until then. And I started to notice that too much time on Facebook and YouTube fed those inaccurate thoughts. My ability to stay connected with God was a battle in my mind.
It made me think of the verse in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Maybe God was trying to warn me about my free moments because they were opportunities to keep transforming my mind to be with Him and learn new ways of thinking. Is this what “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ” meant (2 Cor. 10:5)? Christine Cain says that, “our thoughts are like a train, they take us somewhere.” And neuroscientist, Caroline Leaf, says, “Your brain responds to your life choices—which are influenced by your mindsets. You are not controlled by your biology, no matter how emotionally flat or chaotic your mind feels at any given moment in time. Just thinking about something can cause your brain to change…”
I decided to take this warning seriously and give all of my free moments first to God. Whether I had two minutes while I rinsed the dishes or an hour while the kids had quiet time/nap time, I would either pray, read Scripture, or sing a worship song out loud before doing anything else. Through the advice of Lois Evans, I started posting 3 x 5 cards with Bible verses on them in places that I tended to linger (the kitchen sink, by my bed, on my phone) so every time I was in any of those places, I would read the verse and allow it to bring my thoughts back to truth. To fight my natural desire to snap at my kids, I put up the verse, “A fool vents his anger, but a wise man holds it back” (Proverbs 11:29). To keep myself intentional during my time with my children, I put up, “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously” (2 Cor. 9:6). And to fend off the thoughts of discontentment, I put up, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing” (Psalm 23:1).
After practicing this for a while I found that I no longer lost my connection with God for the entire day. As I kept starting my free moments with God, I essentially kept reconnecting with Him multiple times a day. I felt closer to Him and I felt His presence stronger. My daily decisions began to be filtered through truth rather than feelings. A constant conversation with Him throughout the day became more natural. And I was interacting with my kids differently as well. Often, after spending all of my free time on YouTube, I went back to my kids feeling irritated or more exhausted. But through the changes I was making, I would go back to with more love, inspired to disciple them, excited to be with them.
I started getting to the point that when I finished my prayer time or moments reading a passage of Scripture and could now move into doing something else in my free time, I didn’t want to do anything else. When considering my other options for free time I started asking myself questions like; will this help to keep me in His presence? Will this build my faith? Will this increase my love for Him? Will this help me disciple my children?
This is not easy. Just a few weeks ago I felt very disconnected from God. I had not been giving Him my first moments in free time because it’s a struggle sometimes and I had been slacking for a while. One day, when evening came, I pulled out my phone out of habit to begin watching some “What I Eat In Today” YouTube videos. In that moment, however, I remembered that I was in a battle over my thoughts. Before I could let my feelings get the better of me, I put my phone down and picked up my Bible opening it up to where I was currently reading in Hebrews 12:21. I read, “Therefore lift your dropping hands and strengthen your weak knees…” The verse seemed to jump out at me in a way it never had before. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually I felt very “droopy” and my knees were weak due to a lack of prayer. So I started playing worship music, lifting my hands, and singing praise to God. After a few songs I got on my knees and prayed about anything I could think of. When you start to speak truth out loud and speak to the One who is Truth, all the lies are cast away. I was brought back into His presence and my mind was back to thinking what is true. These were some of the words I sang out loud:
“Better is a moment that I spend with You than a million other days away” (Secret Place by Phil Wickham)
“Who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed I’m a child of God, yes I am! In my Father’s House, there’s a place for me I’m a child of God, yes I am!“ (Who You Say I Am by Hillsong Worship)
“I raise a hallelujah, my weapon is a melody I raise a hallelujah, Heaven comes to fight for me” (Raise a Hallelujah by Jonathan and Melissa Helser)
“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above” (Come Thou Fount)
Brother Lawrence, a humble man who made it his life mission to constantly be in God’s presence says that the best way to keep your mind from wandering when you’re trying to pray “is not to let it wander too far at other times.” Jesus had the closest connection with God than any person who has ever walked this earth. And I think part of that reason is because He constantly made the choice to keep His mind on God and with God. I hope that through the small choices I keep making during my free moments I will gradually gain a deeper, more constant connection with the One who went above and beyond to be connected with me forever. As Jesus’ brother James wrote, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:7-8a).
Whatever is... 